i'm a girl

I'm a girl

A year ago, in a diary that's only meant for my eyes ...

If I have the guts to tell you how I feel about you, I would...

For the past few months,

You're were always on my mind.
Getting to see you was just a privilege.
Having you coming to my farewell,
That was just joy that a girl in 'like' will feel.

That night as I flew off,
As I started a new chapter,
Thoughts of you lingered in my head,
I was trying to forget it, forget you,
I was trying to forget the impossible, the false hopes,
But I couldn't.

Every night, every night before I go to bed, I will think of you and I will go to bed with a smile on my face...

I always wonder,

Are you the One?

Or are you just another guy who would walk in and out of my life
One of those whom I kinda like but unsure
One of those who are out of my reach

"Perhaps one year from now when I look back,
I will probably be thinking on how silly I was
Perhaps one year from now
I will have these same feelings again towards a different guy ...
When I know I can't have you. "

Who am I kidding?
I hardly talk to you.
I don't even have the guts to initiate a conversation with you face to face.
I don't even know you that well.
Why o why is this feeling so strong? Am I just a fool?

You just blew me away with your character, your athleticism, your humour ... and the way you waited for me to come online to help me with physics. Why are you so caring? Do you like me? Do you notice me? Do I exist to you? Perhaps to you, I'm one who acts like a boy, who doesn't dress up and always in trekkies. Coz, this is me. But I am still a girl. Can you see this?

Everyday I always look forward to see you online.
Every single time I chat with you,
The loneliness over here just disappears.
Every morning I wake up,
I hope to chat with you for a lil while before you head to bed,
Before I head out to the wintery cold for my classes.
You always end up putting a smile on my face

And warmth in my heart.

I'm pathetic, but I can't help it, I don't know why. Why am I so weak? Why am I so shy? Do I like you? Is this what "like" is? If not, what is this? What is this feeling I am feeling?

Right now, I wish you are the one. Because I am tired... I am tired of searching for HIM.. I want you to be HIM... if you're not him, whoelse is going to come and give me these feelings again? Can I please close my eyes and stop searching?

Hope....
Hope it's like this at your end over there ...

Hope...

It's what I can only do now...

Oh please just wake me up from this dream, someone please.
Oh please bring me back to reality.
He's just a guy, a guy that I like.

Just a guy ...

Who seemed to fit nicely into everything I look for in a guy.

Now I shall just slap myself and wake myself up from all of these...
It's hard but I'll eventually get over it. Hopefully ...
I need to snap back to reality.

I am just a girl. It's ok for me to feel like this.

----------------------------------------------

And that was a year ago. In Canada.

"Perhaps one year from now when I look back,
I will probably be thinking on how silly I was
Perhaps one year from now
I will have these same feelings again towards a different guy ...
When I know I can't have you. "

And now when I look back ...
No other guys came to my attention during then till now.
You were always on my mind.
The feelings did not grow weaker.
In fact, it grew stronger as time passes.
How silly was I? Who cares.

No one brought me back to reality.
No one woke me from my dream.
And I refused to wake myself up,
I refused to stop dreaming.
I refused to look away.

Perhaps it was reality.
Coz one year from then ...
Coz now ...

My dream became reality.
It was all you,
All you all the while.

Sometimes I still think I'm in a dream
I'm still amazed that my dream actually came true
I'm still amazed that we both felt the same way
That our feelings lasted for over a year
That it took us over a year to finally confessed

I am one damn happy lucky girl and I can't be thankful enough. All those years of searching and waiting for my prince to come..... it actually paid off. And luckily, I waited and found the right guy who found me too.

It was worth it. You were worth the wait.

Thank you for giving me time
Thank you for not putting any pressure
Thank you for letting me know you better
Thank you for being my friend, my companion
Thank you for not giving up on me
Despite the countless of times where I missed those signs

Goodbye to singlehood
20 years of it ...
I had my time and I truly enjoyed it very much
I am glad I did not rush into this
I am glad I took the time to look around
I am glad I dreamt on
I am glad I kept on believing and having faith

I am glad that I still believed in fairytales
That there's a prince charming for everyone
That sometimes we just have to wait
Because he just got lost on his journey
On his journey to find his girl

I found my prince charming. You are my prince.

A fairytale dream came true.

Paper, scissors, rock ... some time back in winter 2007 where you've already caught my eyes...

Here's to 3 months :) And Happy Monkey Day too! Sorry I forgotten the 1st and 2nd ones :p

And to those who haven't knew, who I haven't told, who might still be wondering, who might still be guessing ... Yes it's true. I have found my significant other. Not my other half coz my other half is still Swannie... I can't have two other halves coz that would make me nothing. Ahahaha!!

The Great Cranleigh Kauri Run

3rd time at Coromandel

Back! Back from my 3rd trip to Coromandel. And again, I enjoyed it very much. Cathedral cove, hot water beach, clevedon oysters. It's like deja vu, except with a different bunch of people.

The people: Me, Karen, Yin, Wei En, Ivan, Shaun, Dallas

Car Rental: NONE!! Wei En and Shaun's car. Perfect!!!

21st November

We left Auckland around 6, with chicken sandwiches and snacks packed in the car for munching. The traffic was rather slow moving as it was just after work. I was in Wei En's car with Karen. We were trying to reach Coromandel town by 9pm to register for our race but failed to. The roads were windy and it was getting late. Having Karen in the car made the trip so much shorter. All her "kiddy" songs and brain teasers.... awesome!! Nobby hall ... Bachelor's Boy .. Aunt Betty ... Di di di ... Wei En was so funny trying to figure out those brain teasers... "I'm listening!! My head already so close to you!!!" ... Sorry, you gotta be there to know what happened :p

We reached Colville at 10. We stayed in a farm backpackers. It was pretty cool. First time staying in a farm. The guys slept in the caravan and the girls slept in the house. Colville is a very small place, 30 mins from Coromandel town. It was where the 13km finishing line was.

22nd November

We all woke up around 6.30, even the support crew, i.e. wei en, yin and dallas, also woke up. So nice having wei en and yin being the mummy figure and preparing breakfast for us runners while we headed to coromandel town to register. When we got back to colville, half boiled eggs were waiting for us on the dining table to be eaten. So nice!!

At 9, Shaun, Ivan, Karen and I headed to Waikawau Beach to start our race. Waikawau beach is located close to the tip of Coromandel. It was beautiful. Never been there before. The race started just after 10, with 320 runners. It started off with a 2km run along the beach. We had a pretty good start, completing the beach run just over 10 minutes. Following that, the rest were all trail running, crossing streams, muddy grounds, climbing hills.

It was tiring. I slipped a few times. Lost Karen around the 4km mark. Couldn't keep up with her. Had no idea when we lost Shaun. Thank goodness I had Ivan beside me, making sure I don't fall back, motivating me throughout the run. For every uphill I saw ... I'd go FUDGE!!! And after every uphill, I will take a deep breath before I start running. But not long after, another uphill will appear in front of me. Can never run the uphills. Always end up walking. And Ivan will be behind me saying .. small steps! small steps! At one point, I really wanted to give up but he was behind me, pushing me up the hills.

We had one pit stop which was at the 8km mark, the Waikawau lookout. The view was breathtaking. After consuming two cups of water, god knows how many pieces of sweet, juicy oranges, we continued our run. The run from then on wasn't too bad anymore. It was mostly flat or downhill and just a lil bit of uphill. At around the 10km mark, the trail diverted, where the 32km runners had to go uphill and for us 13km runner, it was all downhill. At the point where it diverted, we could see Karen from afar, running up the hill. I was like.. man! Thank goodness I chose the 13km.. I wouldn't be able to do it. I was already dying.

Downhill running wasn't tiring but painful. My feet were hurting, my knees were sore from braking and trying not to fall. I was so afraid of falling. And Ivan goes... Big steps! Big steps! During the last 1.5km, I told him to sprint and don't wait up for me. Reached the finishing line at 1 hour 38 mins, one minute behind him. Our very loyal support crew were waiting for us at the finishing line. Once I crossed the finishing line, I headed straight to where the oranges was ... I swear those oranges were the sweetest ones I ever tasted! Sweetest and juiciest!! Shaun came in 10 mins later and ... we sabo-ed him!!

It was a great run. First time doing such run. Sure it was tiring and torturing at some point but I'm glad I did it and finished it. I came 14th out of 45 in the 20-39 yrs women category so I guess it's not too bad. Gotta really thank Ivan for staying with me throughout the race. I think I would have started walking the rest of the race if it weren't for him. I remembered earlier this year during the Whenuapai 10km run, I had Sharvin beside me to keep me going. This tim, I got Ivan. I really wonder what would happen if I were to run alone in races. It's gonna be a challenge next year, as I do plan to continue running when I go to Sydney.

After the run, Shaun, Yin and Wei En drove up to Waikawau to get Shaun's car back. Me, Ivan and Dallas stayed back at the farm, waiting under the hot sun for them to come back. We then headed to Coromandel town to meet Karen where her 32km race ends. Not long after we arrive the town, we saw her running towards the finishing line. From far, you could tell that she was exhausted yet determined. It was as if she was in a lot of pain but yet she continued running. Really admire the mental power this girl has. She finished the race in 4 hours 44 minutes. RESPECT!!!! My goal next year.. 32 km.. hehehe.. but first, I need to complete a half marathon first!

After she recovered from her gruelling run, we headed to a fish n chips store in the town for lunch as well as claiming our free beer at a local bar. Monteith's Lemon and Lime ... yumm man .... tho I'm not a fan of beer, it was good! By then, it was already 5pm. Didn't think we would still be in the town at 5pm. So... we went to the school hall to claim our post race meal ... which was just beef, potatoes, mashed pumpkin and bread. Not much was left as it started at 4pm. Haha! Totally forgotten about it. Should have just went there intead of fish and chips. As we were too full, we just packed some beef and headed off to Hahei, where Cathedral Cove and hot water beach was.

Stayed at Tatahi Lodge. Was meant to go to Cathedral cove that evening but we were kinda late as it was getting dark. Plus, we were exhausted. Dinner was mushroom soup with those beef along with pasta ... wei en's instant maggi abalone porridge with egg, potatoes, and ... chips!! hahaha!! We played a round of drinking game with Sangria .. it only lasted for one round :( Should have bought more!! After the game, yin, wei en and shaun headed to dreamland whereas karen, me, ivan and dallas chit chatted for another hour before heading to bed as we felt it was too early to sleep. Haha! but yea.. once I made contact with the bed, it was straight to dreamland for me.

23 November 2008

Woke up at 4.45 as we wanted to catch the sunrise at Cathedral Cove. Didn't really get to see the sunrise when we got there as it was cloudy that day and we were walking and covered by trees when the sun rose. Did the usual at cathedral cove, i.e. cam-whored. something unusual was... i got pranked!!! Naughty mummy Yin asked ivan to hide the bags. We hung them on the tree branches and he hid it. When we wanted to leave to grab our bags, it was not there anymore and I was so worried. I was like asking Shaun to text dallas to see if anyone walked by with our bags as dallas did not follow us all the way down to the cove. I was seriously panicking coz my phone, wallet, and wei en's car keys were inside. I think everyone else knew about it apart from me and karen. Karen was however too blur to notice her bag was lost as well so she didn't panic. Arghh!!! But yea.... seriously.. who would be so crazy to come to cathedral cove at 6 something and steal bags??? seriously!! ahh so stupid!!! If only ying swan was there, then at least got another victim to get conned. RawrRrrRR!!

After that, went back to the backpackers for breakfast. Mushroom soup, toast, eggs for breakfast. Hot water beach after breakfast. sucks how it was a rather cloudy and cold day. Water was still hot but yea.. outside was cold. One thing that I never seen before ... jellyfishes!!! yea.. we saw jellyfishes being swept up to the shore by the sea and were stuck. At first we saw parts of dead jelly fishes... it really just looked like jelly... and then behind a huge rock, we saw a live jellyfish! Well, at least I think it was a jellyfish. So cool!!

After hot water beach, it was home time. I slept most of the way as I was really tired. Stopped by Tainui for lunch, where we were munching on fish and chips by the roadside and huge ass ice cream after that. Two mega huge scoops for just $2.60. Ahh!! I just love eating ice cream in small towns. They are just so generous!!

After lunch, I slept somemore. Just like the previous trip, we ended the whole thing with Clevedon raw oysters, suckin em' oysters by the wharf at Maraetai beach. Haha!

All in all, another great trip. And I think a rather cheap one too! Saved on car rental thanks to wei en and shaun. Saved on petrol thanks to low petrol prices now and wei en's car only consumed 1.5 tank of petrol throughout the trip!! No hassle in printing out directions coz it was all done by mummy wei en. We were well taken care off by mummy wei en and mummy yin. We had daddy shaun driving all the time. Uncle Dallas was .... just uncle dallas.. lolx!!

first date

So looking forward to the weekend!

Looking forward to the run, looking forward to the after run.

It's gonna be a fun filled weekend with mostly the oldies, with only karen, me and ivan being the students. Nyehehehehe.... Less responsibility.. bwahahahaha!!!!

All the searching for accommodation has made me so excited!!!

Going back to my favourite place .. Coromandel. It will be my 3rd time going there and still, I am so excited! Love that place. So far, it's my favourite place in NZ. Sad that we can't go for the pinnacles this time. Time constraint. Ohh well... More reason to go back again!!

Today all exams have finally ended. wooohooo!! Played volleyball in the evening. Full of fun and laughter where I probably only managed to get it right 0.1% of the time ...haha! I have come to accept the fact that I will never get it right and am very used to make a fool out of myself...Still, good fun! After that, Mussels and yogoberry - first .... apparently, lol! thank you .... :)

Uni exams ended today. NCEA school exams start today. Going for exam supervision tomorrow. By the end of it, I'll make 400 bucks :) Money to pay part of my accident. *in a sarcastic tone* Woohoooo!

Good night and happy holidayyysss!!! WEeEeEEEEeEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Decisions ...

I decided not to do the 32 km Kauri run. I chickened out.

But I'm still going for the run. 13 km instead. Stick to the old plan. What was I thinking before that? I haven't even ran 21 km before and I'm wanting to do a 32km. Doubt my body can take it. Hence.... I chickened out. 32 km is something way beyond my challenge. Plus it's off road which will make it even tougher. 13 km is challenging enough.

32km next year perhaps?

bored

Nights like this ...

Man, I don't recall any nights in the past few months where I feel so bored and have nothing to do.

I'll always be occupied with something to do, something to hand in.

Now, I'm just bored. And it's just too early for me to sleep. I think the sleep from the last two nights have replaced my lack of sleep for the past few months.

Exams are over and I am pretty occupied during the day still. I'll be working, I'll be catching up with friends and I'll be running.

But at night, there's nothing I can do. I feel bored. I feel bored right now. Lalalalala....

I ran yesterday. 4km. I got lost. RawrRrrR!! I can today as well. Over 6km. Wanted to go for 8 but I could feel my knees being a wee bit weird. So I stopped. I didn't want any injury before the 32km run. I am still having lots of doubts with this 32km. But I really wanna do it coz it'll be a big accomplishment for me, for year 2008. I always need something big each year to look back on.

Well, actually, lots of big things have happened this year. But I guess I'm still craving for more. Hehehehe... I want to complete 32km!!!

I've blogged about something rather ... juicy? But am still wondering if I should put it up now. Lolx! I'll just let you all wait... hehehe... the longer you wait, the better the effect. Bwahahahahahaha!!!

D to the O-N-E!

D to the O-N-E

Finally, it's all over. The race is over. And the race to the finishing line was sweet. The last paper today was awesome. Multi choice was all from last year's paper. So it was 30 marks straight into the back pocket. Short answer questions were taken from 2005, 2006, 2007 papers. Questions were attempted yesterday in that 13 hours. Hence, I managed to have a rough answer for each. The long answer question was something that wasn't taken from past paper and hence, I didn't know how to do it. But I did not worry because I KNOW I'll definitely pass and that's all that mattered for me. Halfway throughout answering the short answers (which wasn't really that short as I took one page to answer each question), I got tired. The ideas were all in my brain just that I was so lazy to write it out. I wanted to just leave the exam room coz I already knew I got more than half of it right. But my friends were still writing, and it's no fun leaving your last exam by yourself. Hence, I stayed and finished it. After 2 hours 15 mins, I was done. I couldn't write anymore. My friends were still writing. And so... I just sat there and waited. Lots of people left but my friends haven't left yet. I waited till 3 hours was up. Looked around, feeling all so happy coz I KNOW I will graduate!

It's quite a joke how majority is from past papers. But seriously, if it's a question that wasn't from past paper, I wouldn't be able to do it coz I know nuts about neuroscience and all those pathways. That 13 hours yesterday was very well worth it. I was on the verge of breaking down a couple of times on Saturday and Sunday coz I was hell worried that I won't pass this exam and will result in me coming back next year.

Thank goodness past papers saved me. Thank goodness for the friends I have to study with me. So glad that I chose the right bunch of sportsci friends from the very start of my course. Seriously, without them, I won't be able to make it. I will not be able to attempt those past papers by myself. I'd give up after reading the first question. So so very thankful. Now I wonder how am I gonna survive next year in Sydney without them? Hope I'll be able to find friends like this over there. This kind of friends are not easy to find. People who would share all their notes with you and genuinely help you out. Friends who are not competitive and not stingy. Friends who help each other out not caring if you did better than them or not. All they do is care that everyone did their best. Friends who are genuinely happy for your high marks eventhough it's better than theirs. Friends who will not leave you behind and will try their very best to explain things you don't understand till you get it.

These are the friends I have in sport science that stayed with me throughout the past 3 years. So lucky to have them and I would deeply miss them. All the times in level 0 and grafton. Munching on chocolates and chips. Making fun of people around us. The number of times we have Subways. Butter chicken pie. Energy drinks. Nerdalicious. KFC before exams. AhhhHhhhhHH!!! One thing is... no photos! So silly of me! Either having too much fun or just too stressed out that I didn't take any photos of any of those times. I should have! To remind me of those times. Times I will never forget.

Definitely no regrets with choosing Sports and Exercise Science as my degree when I was 17 and had to decide. Thankful that I did not choose biomed. I have learnt a lot throughout the past 3 years with this degree. I have learnt things that I was curious about, things that stimulated my interest to know more. I really enjoyed my last three years doing this degree. Sure there were countless moments that drove me nuts. With the amount of readings and reports. But if I were to compare it with other courses, it's nothing. So what if I graduate without a job? At least now I know what I want. To be a physiotherapist! And the things I have learnt the past 3 years will defnitely help me with my master's for the next two years.

Uni has not ended for me yet. There's till post exams celebration and hence, I am not gonna say uni has ended. Only the tough part of uni has ended. But the fun part hasn't!!!

Good luck to all those who are still having their exams. I shall sit here quietly and wait for you to finish and not disturb :p

WoooOoooOOT!!!!!

last one

Go Go Go!

Last one of all.

Spent 13 hours at level 0 yesterday...

I do hope it will be my last time ever setting foot in there!!!

May at least 50% of the questions be from past papers else i'm screwed.

Go Go Go!!!

A race to the finish line!

half way

Half way there ...

And by tomorrow, I'll be left with just one.

Man, so not prepared for tomorrow's paper. I have no idea why I lack the strive to get a good mark in this paper. Nothing is going into my head, nothing. I'm like constantly thinking of how I'm gonna tackle movement neuroscience on Monday and hence not being able to focus on tomorrow's paper. Just hope the calculation question that ivan was helping me on will come out and I will be able to do it. Not easy teaching me trigs and maths. Thank you and I hope I won't disappoint you, lol!

And plus all the thoughts and plans on what to do after the exams. Taking away my focus even more, right swannie? Lolx!! And I need to start running!! Exercise! Do something! Coz i'm getting fatter ... ohh the tyres!! think Michelin!! AhHhHHHHHhHHH!!!!

Have I mentioned that... i'll be doing the 32km Kauri Run instead of the 13km? Why do I have a really strong feeling I'll be cursing halfway during the run and call myself silly? lolx!!

Ok ok.. back to mechanics of injury...... lalalala..

And the above is an example of a fatigue stress fracture between the middle and distal thirds of the tibia. 6-14% of running injuries is represented by this injury. It is due to the summation of microcracks, leading to the weakening of bone structure, where injury rate exceeds repair.

Not bad right the things I learn? Lolx!!! Just hope this doesn't happen to me during the run.. ahahaha!!! K, study study!!!!

1 after another and another and another...

1 down, 3 to go... the next few days is gna fly by really quick.

Come Monday 12.30pm, I'm a free person!

For now.... late nightsss and cramming ....

I ran out of grain waves already :S