So Sweet

So SWEET

So today at the airport, after unloading the car, putting my luggage onto the trolley...

He gave me this...

Lime flavoured and Feijoa flavoured lollypop plus a card...

But I can only open it in 2 days time...

You made me smile but made leaving even much harder.

Has it always been this hard?

Has it always been this hard?

Somehow leaving this time feels so hard. I really feel heavy-hearted. I try to recall the past few times having to leave. I don't think it was ever this hard. Ok, maybe the first time leaving at the start of last year felt hard just because it was the first time. But I manage to leave saying "I'll see you in May for my graduation or if not, I'll see you end of June."

And every other time I leave, I know when I will be seeing him again. But this time... I REALLY DON'T KNOW. During the past few days, I've been having people asking me "So when will we see you again?". And it sucks not to have an answer. I wish I have an answer rather than.. "umm...maybe end of this year? maybe next year?... umm... I don't really know actually..."

Will I come back to NZ after I finish my course at the end of the year before going back to Malaysia?

Should I stay back in Australia and look for jobs after I finish my course and then fly back to Malaysia straight?

Will I go to NZ from Malaysia before going back to Sydney?

Will I even be in Sydney next year?

Will I even get a job next year?

Will I go to the wedding?

Are you going to be in NZ next year?

*SIGH*

Putting all these uncertainties aside, I had a pretty good 1 month winter break. I tried to balance my time between friends and family and I hope I did alright. For once my mum didn't complain I'm always going out but maybe she just decided not to complain anymore.

I made sure I had dinner at home on most weekends because that's when my brother can be home for dinner. The 4 of us snuggled up on mum and dad's king size bed on one night and watched The Karate Kid. Another week, we went out for dinner then went to Countdown to buy two packs of cards... found lots and lots of coins at home..... and played cards from 8.30pm till 1am in the morning. The following week, we went to the movies and watched Inception, with all of us falling asleep at some point of the movie, excluding my brother who was awake throughout. I gave mum and dad massages. I dyed my mum's hair. We went for a spontaneous walk at Mangemangeroa Reserve.

I played netball for 3 weekends, with this weekend being the best because of the awesome weather. Played a game of indoor netball. I played a game of mafia. I attended my very first boardgames night which was AWESOME and it is something I'm gonna MISS and be jealous about the next time a boardgames night is on and I can't go!!! I made a group of people watch Vampires Suck and made Swan rolled her eyes countless times.

I watched Eclipse and Inception at the movies. I had a good day trip with my other half, Gladys and Nat to Matakana. I met my favourite oldies and netball kakis for food, for sports, for games. I managed to have quick meet up session with Pei Yun; with Caroline; with Leight and Mel. I also had a quick catch-up with Alicia, a malaysian girl who I met when I was in Canada whose family took care of me whilst I was there. I worked a couple of times at the gym and earned my air ticket back.

I ate dim sum many many times. I had my kumara chips with aioli dip 3 times from burger fuel. I had a good chocolate dose at Chocolate Boutique. Ate pasta at La Porchetta. I had momo tea many many times. I had hulu cat. I had korean buffet. I ate lobster noodles. I had my favourite mushroom dish and prawn balls at One World Cafe. I had butter chicken at the food court in Sylvia Park. I had my chicken laksa at Food Alley. I drank feijoa juice. I had my egg benedicts (not at Circus Circus though). I had my 1kg mussel pot with fries and mayo. I had my ETA Uppercuts Honey and Soy Chicken. I had my KFC wicked wings and original recipe. I had my favourite prawns and yum yum sauce at Daikoku. I lost 4 kgs when I was in Sydney and now I have gained 3kgs :p

And with all these activities, my significant other was with me for most of them. We watched the World Cup a few times and made bets with each other. We watched a few movies on the laptop. We went for a $20 introductory offer for Bikram Yoga for 10 consecutive days at Ti Rakau Drive. Managed to go 7 times I think so it was pretty worth it. And just two days ago, it was just the both of us, making a morning day trip to Devonport :) The weather was crap but at least it wasn't pouring.

After typing all these out, seeing what I have done.... I guess I did make a good use out of this break. I still however wish for more time. I still have friends that I wanted to meet. I still want more time with him. I still want more netball. I still want another night of boardgames. All these will never be enough I guess.

And so, this is it. My winter break for 2010. I just realized, it is my last winter break. No more winter break anymore. Here's to my final semester of school!!

One more semester of printing slides, of highlighters, of swollen fingers from too much writing, of tutorials and lectures, of falling asleep in lectures, of using the secret code to get free photocopy service, of my famous "Mocco-Lo" to stay awake, of library visits....

And then hopefully... hopefully.... I can step into the working world next year.

Hopefully I can have a clearer picture.

Hopefully everything will fall into place nicely.

Hopefully I can see you not too long from now.

"No matter how many years go by, I know one thing to be as true as ever was - I'll see you soon then."

we all live in fear everyday

We all live in fear everyday

As much as I want to stop studying, sometimes I wish this year will not end.

There's just so much uncertainties. Even with my holiday plans at the end of the year, I just do not know what's best to do. I wish I can split myself in many parts and be in many places at once.

Where will I be next year? Where will you be next year? Everything is just so uncertain, there isn't a clear plan which scares me really. I don't know why.

See how things go. Go with the flow. That's what I've been telling myself all these while. Sounds simple, or is it really?

please please please.. i'm just praying everyday. Praying for a clearer picture.

First week home

Time... FLIES. And now I'm left with only 3 weeks left.

What have I been up to?

Attended the Bersatu Games 3 out of the 4 days as a helper/supporter/coach. I was in charge of the first aid, mainly whacking ice on people... strapping ankles, knees, wrists, thumbs ... and giving people the deep heat cream when they needed it. I am glad I need not rub it on many people. Just 3 I think. And then whilst waiting for someone to get injured, I get to watch the games and cheering for UMSA. Quite disappointing really because they make it to the semis, coming top of their group and then...... gone.... not even 3rd. It puzzles me really but... ohh well.....

And lastly, I had the privilege to coach the UMSA's netball team. I came back last Tuesday and attended their training the following day at the rec centre. First time meeting them and there were lots to work on. The team were mainly new players, with Marilee and Naomi being the old ones only. Got to meet mama-san and my other half as well which was GREAT!!! We played for 2.5 hours, trying to pass on as much pointers as possible, getting to be noisier on court and communicating.

Friday morning, it was just me and the girls at Windmill and that took my whole morning. From 9-12 ... but it was REWARDING. The girls are so eager to learn and are always asking for feedbacks and how they can improve. They do not complain and when it started to rain, they wanted to keep playing still. They are not playful and they really listen. My morning wasn't wasted at all. However, there isn't much time left till the games and it was the last training session. How I wish I had more time with them.

Today, Tuesday, was the netball game. Swan was busy umpiring the games and so I was there to give the team pointers, screaming my lungs out at the sideline. Reached the rec centre at 7.30am hoping to squeeze a quick training sessions in before the games.

First game, it was against UMNO. I was told that UMSA got thrashed by UMNO during the friendly. And in the game, they got thrashed 2-8 by UMNO. I am still quite puzzled as to why they got thrashed because.... UMSA won WMSO and CMSA whereas UMNO lost to CMSA and tie with WMSO. Could it be the mindset that UMNO is better than UMSA because of the friendly match and therefore the team were not confident in beating UMNO? or could it be because UMSA players are usually very blur for their first game in the morning? I remembered back in Otago when we played CMSA and lost to them in our morning game and won them in the 3rd-4th placing. We were all blaming it on the early morning game. So I wonder if this was the case as well. Haha!!

But yeaa.. whatever it is.. UMSA netball grabbed the SILVER!!!! CMSA got the gold because of goal difference (CMSA won OMSA 18-1, UMSA won OMSA 10-2)... and that was what determined it. And UMNO came 3rd. So happy for the girls as I was just expecting a bronze from them. Came the final game between OMSA, I realized the girls are either in for a silver or a gold but they will need to beat OMSA by 20 points to get the gold. It was a huge pressure and I think that was what made them played badly during the first half of the game with OMSA (2-2 after first half). Before the 2nd half, I knew that they won't be able to score over 20 and told them to just play their game, and settle for silver. And they ended scoring quite a lot, ending it with a 10-4 win. Arghh!! Regret for putting the pressure on them... Ohh well!!!! Best game I enjoyed watching was the game between WMSO. The defence were beautiful and were following the opponents really tight and pressuring them. PURRRRR-FECT!!!! The mid-fielders were finding spaces and communicating.... and the shooters were using their bum and communicating in the D, playing TOGETHER!!!!!! After first half, I think the score was 5-1? The girls fumbled towards the end and ended with a 7-4 win I think and the defence got tired. But yeaa... it was good to see how they were keeping it tight throughout and taking what I said into the game.

The games were pretty intense, and I felt like some crazy girl, walking up and down the sideline, yelling "DEFENSE!!!!... get back get back!!!! .... stick your bum out!!!! .... mark her tight!!!!!!.... go behind go behind!!!!" But yeaa.. I'd do anything laaa not to lose.... Though I'm not playing, somehow I just felt that UMSA needs to win. It was once my team and I just wanted UMSA to still have a spot in the placings. And the silver was a bonus!!! First time to get Silver. It's always been bronze.... history was made back in 2008 with a GOLD.. and now... 2010... SILVER... so now all three medals have been achieved :) Woohooo!!!!

So yeaa.. well done to the UMSA netball team of 2010!!!! I see a lot of potential in this team which is made up of mainly new players who are eager to play next year. I really hope they do come back and play on and build on the team and get back the GOLD!!!!

And soo.. that was where my one week went to.

Also had momo tea with the oldies, momo tea with a high school friend, spent time with the monkey.... and also...started first day of work at the gym to earn so moolahh$$ :)

Now I'm waiting for the other half to be free and go and watch ECLIPSE!!!! Can't wait to drool on JACOB!!!!