When I start worrying...

I was meant to take a good solid weekend off. Not allowed to do study or anything. Just relaxed and do nothing. Start studying on Monday.

Instead, I sat in front of the tele today, watching cartoons and at the same time going through my lecture notes. It was quite relaxing really but obviously I started to panic yesterday after seeing the amount of things I need to do and so decided to study today. There's no past exams so it's quite disturbing. However, the exams are meant to be pretty easy according to the seniors. But I still worry. Panic button was literally pushed yesterday. And I've got 2 weeks till exams. Heh :p

And now, I'm currently staring at my lecture notes on a Saturday night. It's almost 1am. I wanted to touch up my cover letter and submit my very first application this weekend but failed to do so. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow. My final day of "rest day".

And so when I start worrying...

I'm gonna have to try to stay away from blogging, stay away from facebook, stay away from MSN. It's that time of the semester where I need to restrict myself from all these distractions again.

I wish ... We'll see.

Not many more weeks left

1 week of study break

1 week of classes

1 week of exams

5 weeks of placement

And then I'm done.

8 more weeks in total!! Gosh!! Time flies.

And then it's back to Malaysia. KL, Singapore, Kota Kinabalu, Krabi, Bangkok.

And after that, it is still all unknown.

I'm quite nervous for interviews really. No, I haven't got any. It's because I haven't make any applications yet.

As I scroll through job websites, there's none in Sydney really. That is why I am procrastinating to applying the other jobs. I have to go out far.

As I sit and ponder whether I should apply jobs out in the wops wops, I think about him. It would be ideal if I stay in Sydney and if a long weekend comes along, I can just hop onto a plane. But if I'm out in the wops wops, then it would be a different story.

When I tell my friends that I'm going to stay back and work in Australia for at least a year or two, they asked - what about him?

When I say I'm not going back to Auckland this summer, they asked - when do you get to see him next then? Is he coming over?

These were all questions I asked myself too. Questions that I wish didn't need to exist in the first place.

But somehow, I have come to face the fact that these are questions that can't be answered. I have come to face the fact that I will just have to go with the flow and come what may.

Afterall, I'm only 22. There's still so much in this world to see, to experience. I'm still so young. I admit, making all these decisions for next year such as where to work and if I should apply, would be so much easier if I didn't have someone in my heart and if I didn't miss that someone so badly everyday.

And so there's the saying... You can't get the best of both worlds.

Not just yet... but One Day... One Day I will.

For now, I'm just going to take things one step at a time. Follow my mind, and not my heart. Whatever will be, will be. Money is stronger than love for now. Hehehe... Sue me.

Sydney Blackmores Half Marathon- 19th Sept

Just a wee bit under 2 hours. Like really, JUST under it - 1hr 59min 27s.

Satisfied?
Not really. Ok, so my target was to do it under 2 hours. But really, I wanted a target of 1 hr 55 min. The amount of training I did was more than the usual.

Amount of training:

Final week of July: 1 x 30 min run
2 weeks in august: Yoga, 1 x 15 min run
Past 5 weeks: 1.5 hr run, 2 hr run, and 3 x 30 min run

I know I know. It still ain't that much compared to what other people do. I should have been doing more. But I'm just too lazy and don't have the motivation. And I guess the results showed. It was less than a minute improvement compared to my run in May. And the training in May was way less, swimming made up the majority of my training. I think if I were to just swim for this half marathon, I would have gotten the same time. It's all of a matter of sprinting the last 100m.

As I've achieved my target of sub 2 hours, I am now not going to do anymore half marathons for awhile. Sure, the real target was 1 hr 55 min and I should be aiming for that first before I decide no more half marathons, but I was in much pain during the run today that really, I do not want to do it anymore.

Race kicked off at 6.20am while the majority of people were still in bed. It wasn't freezing cold at the start. Just a slight chill which was tolerable. As I started running, I slowly warmed up and was running at a pretty good pace. Or so I thought. Came to the start of the Harbour Bridge which was the 1km mark and my watch read 6 min 12s. Eekz!!! How can this be? And so, I picked up my pace, making it 10min 10s at 2km.

5km mark- 27 mins
10km mark - 52 mins
12km mark - 1 hr 3 mins

I was actually impressed with myself. I could feel the building up of blisters in my shoes but I was maintaining a pace of 5 min 12s/km! That's like the fastest I ever ran (excluding runs on treadmill).

But.. it went all downhill after that. We were near The Rocks after the 12km. It was a long stretch of straight flat road running after that point. It was meant to be quite an easy run. But, I felt myself just trying to make it stride after stride after the 13km mark. I think I hate flat road running with a long straight stretch. It's always that point where I start to feel it and wanna give up. The Putrajaya Half Marathon also had a long stretch of flat road on the highway and that was the point where the thought of giving up kicked in. It was the same this time (minus the tummy ache).

I did not really look at my pace after that. I definitely have slowed down. I was just focusing on getting pass km after km. Just looking out for the 14,15,16 km mark and counting down how many km to go. And that's the worst thing one can do in a run I reckon'. Because it just makes the run feel even longer!!!! I stopped at every single drink station just because I needed to stop. I stopped, walk, ran throughout the whole thing.

Came the 17km mark, it was 1 hr 34 min. I could really make it even if I was just running at a pace of 6min/km. But....the thought of just finishing it over 2 hours was just so strong. I really have given up to do a sub 2 hours. It was pretty much downhill or flat after the 17km. But I still was taking really slow and small strides. I was still stopping and walking. Even at the last 2 km, I was still doing that. Came the last km, I still wasn't sprinting. That is how much I've given up. I even walked a bit in the last km.

And then... I saw it. The finishing line. Time on watch: 1 hr 59min. And I sprinted. And I finished it just under 2 hours.

Target achieved. Then and there, I was satisfied because after all the thoughts of giving up, I managed to do it. But now, come to think about it, I really could have done better. All I needed was a little bit more stamina and determination. I needed a stronger mental attitude. Sure my calves and thighs were burning, I managed to get 3 blisters of different sizes and I couldn't really walk after... but what got to me this time was more of the mental strength. And that is not something you can train and get better at. And that is why I have so much respect for endurance athletes. It is really mind over matter.

After the race, I went to the Skins Recovery Village and waited for 50 mins just to get a free 5 min massage. Hehehe... It was good. No way can I walk back home without a rub. I'm still so sore now but it could have been worst.

And after this race, I think I'm just sticking to shorter 10km runs and target for a sub 50 for now. No more half marathons till I get a new pair of shoes that doesn't give me blisters. And more importantly, till I am mentally stronger and able to drag myself out of the house, put on a shoes and make running as my daily routine. When that time comes, then maybe I will do another half marathon. The thought of doing a full marathon will have to wait.

And I really do need a new pair of shoes. I can see my socks from the outside of my shoes. We had a lecture today on the biomechanics of running in a physio's point of view. And one of the way to help treat our patients is simply to look at their shoes and advice them if they need to change. One of the features are the present of creases in the mid foot of the shoes. And I looked at mine.. Yeapzz... time to change!!!

And this is a photo of me... this is the point where i was actually giving up and was like.. "screw the under 2 hours target, i'm gonna look good in my photo!!"

18th September 2010 - a very special day because of a special person

Hari ni harijadi separuh saya!!

A friendship of 4 years plus. I friendship I truly treasure and hold closely to my heart.

Today is the day where I am being reminded how lucky and blessed to have this special relationship with you.

I mean, how lucky is it to meet someone for the very first time and then you 'click' right away?

I don't believe in love at first sight. I don't think there's such a thing. But 'other halves' at first sight.... that... that I believe in. Because of my Ah Swan!!!!

Though we're separated by distance, the relationship we share is still as strong before the separation. This girl here, despite being busy with work and sports, can still email me like really long essays and update me of what's going on in kiwi land. She never fails to keep me updated and make me feel like I'm still there and part of all the excitement. And if it's not email, it will be super long SMS-es and just reading them... I can sense her excitement/sillyness :p

Berita Terkini, email updates =), Happy 22nd- one of a kind birthday present, Custard Puff Recipe, the story ... All the subjects for our emails in the past 2 years. Yes, I confess, I save them and read over them.

Babe, thanks for listening to all my troubles, my whinings.. Sorry for just bombarding you with them. And thanks for your comforting words, for all your updates, for sharing your stories with me..... and for THE EXCITING NEWS!!! I can't wait!!! You really put a smile on my face :)

Whenever I need someone to talk to, this girl here, my other half, is really... just an email away :) Thanks for being there for me!!! You do not know how happy I am whenever I see your email in my inbox. You never fail to make my day.

Happy 22nd Birthday MOH!!! (3 more years! 3 more years!!!)

You spice up my life!!! (and u think that u would get away with no silly photo of you this time huh? Haha!!! NOT!!!!! )

xoxoxo,
Separuh anda

Malaysia Day

What?

I didn't know there was such a day.

Ooops!!!

Happy Malaysia Day?

urghhhh...

Why can't people just compromise? Why can't people just ask? Why do people just make assumptions all the time? There's no point making assumptions because nothing will be solved. And even if it is, it will not favour both parties. Why do people just spend time complaining instead of finding ways to solve problems? Findings way to put words in a nicer way so that you can get what you want. Well, at least part of what you want. It's call compromising,. Geez!!!! Why are some people just so stubborn, not wanting to listen to options suggested by others and just come up with all the excuses in the world just to go against you.?Why do people work against each other instead of WITH each other? Why do people always take others for granted and not realizing it?

Seriously?? seriously!! Farrrrrrrrrrrrrr out!!!!

Just so annoyed right now with certain things. Just had to let it out so that I can cool off.

On a different note, well, maybe a lil bit related to the above....

A lot of people in this world really need people skills. But you won't learn it if you are stubborn and think you are doing nothing wrong and reluctant to learn. You won't learn if you think others are wrong and you are right. "If you want things to change, you must change first."

When I was at one of my placement, my supervisor gave me a really good advice. You see, sometimes I need help to stand my patient up because they are so unsteady on their feet. I need to assess their mobility and I'll need assistance. The best people to get help from are the nurses. But sometimes, the nurses can get really grumpy. This was how I do it?

"Hey [inserts nurse name here], can you please give me hand when are you free to get Mr.X up? I just want to see how he is on his feet and then take him for a short walk." Polite much? Doesn't sound too bad right?

Apparently no.... they go around complaining saying I demand too much. I was really confused.

This is how it should be done....

"Hey [inserts nurse name here], let me give you a hand when you need to get Mr.X to the shower. I will help you to get him out of his bed and walk him to the shower."

And they are so smiley to me after that :) People skills I tell you, people skills.

You did not put the "operator"

That was the sentence my stats lecturer said to us when we were in our stats tutorial and using SPSS. We were doing some sort of calculation and was just following the step-by-step instructions to generate our output. Don't ask me what was it.. I think it was Cohen's D? Or something else.. Pearsons? fudge.. i have no idea what all these terms mean.... I don't even know WHY we are doing stats!!!!! I don't want to do research!!!!!!

Anyway.... back to so called following step-by-step instructions. Seriously, if you look at the instructions we were given, it was REALLY step-by-step (no sarcasm intended)... I just think we are too dumb to follow it. We kept on clicking OK but nothing happened. So we called our lecturer to help us. He looked at our screen and said... "You didn't put in the operator... see, it says ADD group_A, group_B,group_C, you're missing the operator". Nat and I looked at each other.... in our heads, we were both thinking... "What the heck is an operator? what is he talking about?" Mish peeked over at our table because she was trying to figure out what's going on and her face was just blanked....

After a moment of silence, the lecturer said.. "look, it says ADD... u're missing the operator"... *still thinking what's an operator!!!!* and then he points to the '+' sign on the calculator looking thingy on the screen. Ohhhhhhhhh .... the 'plus' sign is an operator!!!!!!!! ding ding ding!!!! couldn't he just say that? the 'plus' sign?? as he walked away after we understood it, we both burst out laughing because we had no idea that was called an operator.... farrr out!!!!!

You see, my stats lecturer (ok, it's called Scientific Practice paper...sounds more cool right? but it really is just stats i think) is a very smart guy. His name is in countless journal articles. We think the reason being he's the few people who actually analyses the results and so forth. Obviously the other researchers can't be stuffed doing that so they get him to analyse the results and put his name in the paper. So yeaa... he's so smart and he knows his stuff really well but when he talks, it's all so scientific/mathematical and not in layman terms that we all understand. I never understood any of his lectures or tutorials. I mean, look... even a simple 'plus' sign is called an operator!!! OMG! He goes on talking about ROC, ANOVA, t-tests, Cohen's, Pearsons, ICC, k value (in my notes, i wrote ***DO NOT USE K!!! but really.. i don't even know what k is or means!!!!!)........ZzzZZZzz... all these terms in my head but i do not know what the heck they are... It's end of week 7 already.

This scientific practice paper is a joke really. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry about it. I am so lost in tutorials that I just burst out laughing. I'm sure some of you have gone though that feeling before? No? Yes? Thank goodness we have another lecturer who's in there to help explain things in layman terms. He is just awesome man!!! You can see him smirking at the back of the classroom when the main lecturer is talking at the front because he sees all our blank faces, trying to concentrate real hard to understand but still very lost.

Another thing that happened today was.. I slipped off the wheelie chair during that tutorial. I wasn't even playing!! But I slid of it "really smoothly and in slow mo" as described by nat. I was explaining something to her on the computer screen and as i was lifting my hand up to point, somehow i just felt myself sliding off the chair, slowly landing onto the ground. And as I was sliding off, I was still talking because i didn't want to lose my train of thoughts. Hilarious really. It was a smooth landing. Very silent landing. No loud BAMM!!! I don't even know how that happened. Must be by strong quads that enabled me to lower myself to the ground slowly. Hehehe.....the lecturer was just beside me, two computers away and apparently he saw everything. My back was facing him and I didn't see his face. But as Nat put it, it was classic. He was just shocked at what happened. He stood up and walked away. We think he was just trying not to laugh. I on the other hand was LMAO. So was nat, mish and chris. Now when I think of it, it's pretty darn funny and I've been giggling to myself everytime I think about it. Mish and chris who was sitting next to nat on the other side could only see my head and they said it suddenly disappeared and all they saw was the chair sliding back.

It didn't end there.... at the train station, as I was walking down the stairs, Nat told me to be careful on the stairs... she was saying it jokingly because i fell off the chair.... and i was like.. Ya right!! like i would fall... And right at the very last step.... I tripped. Just my day. Just my day alright.

So that's my day and my rants. Ohh yahh.. today's 8/9/10. 8,9,10!!! Ok, before I go crazy.... good night.

Triple K

KKK

Flight to KL - check

Flight to KK- Check

Flight to KRABI - CHECK!!!!

It's gonna be a triple K holiday this summer!!

Now if I can get a job offer before all this, that would be AWESOME!!!

No job application submitted yet :p Must really get started on that!!! But there's no vacancy so far... so......... yea.... :(

ms.audrey chong

1st September 2010

Can't believe that was the most recent photo I took with you!! Which was early last year in February... where you took me on the best fishing trip ever!!!

We stopped taking photos after that. It's because once you hit 25, you are meant to look older... but you're not. So I don't want the whole world to be jealous when they see that I have such a hot friend who's over 25 :p

Flattering much? Okok... it's the opposite really.... I know you are getting older and so I don't want the whole world to see your wrinkles :p

But you know I still love you right? hehehehe....

Happy Birthday Audrey CHONG!

Next year it's gonna be different... it's gonna be minus the o-n-g and bring in the IN!! Woot woot!!!

Thanks la for everything. 4 years of knowing you.... So many memorable moments but this is just a few.....

2006: First year I met you. You'd take me to windmill courts and rec centre nearly every week and make me get the damn ball into the net. And I can't move until it's 5 in a row. I wonder if I actually liked you then :p I know I was scared of you... like.. freaking scared!!!! I wonder why I still continued playing....I think it was because you will bring me to TANK after that. Hehehe... bribery!!!! you sneaky sneaky...

2007: More netball, but christchurch pre-bersatu trip stood out the most with swan and peilyn. One heck of a crazy trip!!! Weather was crap but we made the best out of it :p I was browsing through the photos the other day and I am still LMAO. Freaking good times!!

2008: You introduced fishing to me. I remembered the first ever fishing trip you and bronson took me. It was night fishing. All we were fishing was EELS!!! Ewwwww mann!!!! Couldn't even see anything because it was dark. Only when the eels come up, you can see something wriggling.. I wonder why I still followed you all the next time. You see, the trust I have in you is just too much. Are you flattered again? I trusted you when you said it will be better.... and.. you were right.... it was much better... coz I caught a huge ass mussel with a fishing rod.... and also a fish ... that was edible :p the other fishing trips later on was more and more fruitful ... good fun!!!!

2009: Coromandel fishing trip. Where you all tried to get swan and I drunk but in the end.... Hehehehe..... failed.... bwahahahaha!!!!! Those videos are just classic.

And to end this post..... here's one last picture.... on your very first birthday dinner I attended.... and the only one I attended :p yayaa.... i know i party pooper la.... :p

RAWRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

Happy birthday once again babe!!! May you have a fantastic year ahead with no wrinkles, no white hair, more money, more love, more fun, good health and an awesome December!!!!