Not that strong afterall...
I've been here for two weeks already. Been very busy the moment I set foot here and lots of things were being thrown at me, right into my face. I do consider myself lucky, for already having a place to stay and not needing to pay rent. It's a pretty posh apartment I must say and I am thankful for that. I kept telling myself it would have been harder if I did not have a roof to stay under, and that I should stop complaining, chin up and just be strong.
First week of uni has already thrown me to the very bottom of the hole. And I have no idea when will i be able to climb out of it. I wake up at 6 on Mondays and Wednesdays and get back at 7.30. Thursdays and Fridays I sleep in till 8 and get back at 6.30pm. One day, I will walk at least 4.4km. On the days I choose to stinge on bus fare, I would walk 8.8km to save $1.80. I have been doing that since Wednesday. In total, I walked 35km this week. Good exercise I must say but I'm exhausted.
But this kind of exhaustion can disappear just by sleeping it off. I woke up this morning and I felt better. The brain exhaustion however worries me as I just have so much to revise. It is always there every single day and it just keeps piling up as the days go by. But... it is tolerable. I told myself 2 years of hard work and I'll finally get what I want. I just have to pull through this. Another exhaustion I guess is the heart. This I did not realize it was there till today. Sure I know I miss NZ, I miss the people and I knew it was normal.
Today is Saturday. I slept in till 9.30 and then went out for walk with my cousin after that. Felt good. Afternoon, called my mum and wished her happy birthday and talked to dad too. Started to miss home more. Chat with Ivan and then read some notes. Tried to update my phone but failed. At night, was suppose to meet up with Lucas and Yu Sheng, my ex-swimming friends, but Yu Sheng couldn't make it. Hence, I ended up being by myself, cooking my dinner and watching Mamma Mia on DVD, trying to kill away the loneliness. Trying to ignore the fact that I'm alone on a Saturday night. It was a happy movie but I found my eyes being watery.
My mind wasn't on the movie. I realized I miss home a lot. I thought of all the things I will be doing if I am in auckland right now. Going out for dinner and having yummy cake, listening to all the aunties and uncles talking. I thought of all the good companies I have back there. The weekly sports to look forward to every week. And here.. here I am. Pretty much alone apart for two swimming friends who I haven't met for years and have their own things to do, my cousin, and a few course mates but not not that close. There's nothing much to look forward to in the weekend or any particular day of the week. No sports that I can do. I looked up social netball at the uni's website but it's a lot of money. I want to just play and not pay. I am paying enough already for this course. I went searching for the Msian club at uni online but the site wasn't updated. I need friends. Friends that I will feel comfortable around with. Not to be picky but I just feel more comfortable around Malaysians. My uni is not the main campus. No clubs to sign up to. I have no idea how to get to main campus. Even if I do, the mode of transport is not going to be straightforward like just catching one bus or just a train ride away. Sydney is damn freaking big! And even if there's a way, I just simply don't have the time. The timetable is jam packed everyday, no time for travelling between two campuses like back in Auckland.
In Auckland, I can just hop onto the shuttle bus, go to main campus, study there, have lunch, and then come back to Tamaki for classes. Here, there's no way doing that. Cumberland campus is just so isolated. The campus is freaking opposite a cemetry for goodness sake!!! *sigh*
Two years... And I'm only here for two weeks so far. Aim far, look towards the future. Just suffer for two more years and I'm done.
I want to say I'm well now but I'm not. But I eventually will be. It's just one of those down days I suppose.
I can't upload much photos for now. Only 1.2 gb left for the next 3 weeks.
So here's just a few - my room, the balcony, the lounge... it's what i call posh and why i consider myself darn lucky to stay here...
I've been here for two weeks already. Been very busy the moment I set foot here and lots of things were being thrown at me, right into my face. I do consider myself lucky, for already having a place to stay and not needing to pay rent. It's a pretty posh apartment I must say and I am thankful for that. I kept telling myself it would have been harder if I did not have a roof to stay under, and that I should stop complaining, chin up and just be strong.
First week of uni has already thrown me to the very bottom of the hole. And I have no idea when will i be able to climb out of it. I wake up at 6 on Mondays and Wednesdays and get back at 7.30. Thursdays and Fridays I sleep in till 8 and get back at 6.30pm. One day, I will walk at least 4.4km. On the days I choose to stinge on bus fare, I would walk 8.8km to save $1.80. I have been doing that since Wednesday. In total, I walked 35km this week. Good exercise I must say but I'm exhausted.
But this kind of exhaustion can disappear just by sleeping it off. I woke up this morning and I felt better. The brain exhaustion however worries me as I just have so much to revise. It is always there every single day and it just keeps piling up as the days go by. But... it is tolerable. I told myself 2 years of hard work and I'll finally get what I want. I just have to pull through this. Another exhaustion I guess is the heart. This I did not realize it was there till today. Sure I know I miss NZ, I miss the people and I knew it was normal.
Today is Saturday. I slept in till 9.30 and then went out for walk with my cousin after that. Felt good. Afternoon, called my mum and wished her happy birthday and talked to dad too. Started to miss home more. Chat with Ivan and then read some notes. Tried to update my phone but failed. At night, was suppose to meet up with Lucas and Yu Sheng, my ex-swimming friends, but Yu Sheng couldn't make it. Hence, I ended up being by myself, cooking my dinner and watching Mamma Mia on DVD, trying to kill away the loneliness. Trying to ignore the fact that I'm alone on a Saturday night. It was a happy movie but I found my eyes being watery.
My mind wasn't on the movie. I realized I miss home a lot. I thought of all the things I will be doing if I am in auckland right now. Going out for dinner and having yummy cake, listening to all the aunties and uncles talking. I thought of all the good companies I have back there. The weekly sports to look forward to every week. And here.. here I am. Pretty much alone apart for two swimming friends who I haven't met for years and have their own things to do, my cousin, and a few course mates but not not that close. There's nothing much to look forward to in the weekend or any particular day of the week. No sports that I can do. I looked up social netball at the uni's website but it's a lot of money. I want to just play and not pay. I am paying enough already for this course. I went searching for the Msian club at uni online but the site wasn't updated. I need friends. Friends that I will feel comfortable around with. Not to be picky but I just feel more comfortable around Malaysians. My uni is not the main campus. No clubs to sign up to. I have no idea how to get to main campus. Even if I do, the mode of transport is not going to be straightforward like just catching one bus or just a train ride away. Sydney is damn freaking big! And even if there's a way, I just simply don't have the time. The timetable is jam packed everyday, no time for travelling between two campuses like back in Auckland.
In Auckland, I can just hop onto the shuttle bus, go to main campus, study there, have lunch, and then come back to Tamaki for classes. Here, there's no way doing that. Cumberland campus is just so isolated. The campus is freaking opposite a cemetry for goodness sake!!! *sigh*
Two years... And I'm only here for two weeks so far. Aim far, look towards the future. Just suffer for two more years and I'm done.
I want to say I'm well now but I'm not. But I eventually will be. It's just one of those down days I suppose.
I can't upload much photos for now. Only 1.2 gb left for the next 3 weeks.
So here's just a few - my room, the balcony, the lounge... it's what i call posh and why i consider myself darn lucky to stay here...
5 comments:
aww poor baby! it is rough and i think it will be rough for the next few months but once you get those few group of crazy people like me, Ivan and Swan in Sydney you'll be right as as daisy!
Ah, maybe no need to stinge so much on $1.80, what about walk for three days in the week and bus the rest?
Your place looks nice:0)
At least i now have an excuse to go to Sydney.
Will pray for you and I KNOW that you'll be better. This is definitely a life changing experience and you should squeeze out all the experiences you can get before you head back home sweets!
We Will be here waiting, same ole same ole.
Lova lova
A
p/s your survived Canada this should be a piece of cake for a fighter like you.
Hey girl... I'm sure it's normal to feel like this. Like it was during first year of uni, i guess... and yea... Canada too!!!!
You're a strong girl, i'm sure you'll be great. Here's to making a foreign place "home" for the next 2 years.... Yam...SENNNGGG!!!! Hahaha
well, i keep telling myself this since i first landed in Auckland...it can only get better...
so yea...it can only get better la...=)
my "lova lova" A.. since when u become my lova lova? hahaha!!! u want a piece of me too? haha!! people like u are not easy to find.. so unique so crazy.... too special ... cannot be found anywhere!!!
i've been bus-ing the last two days after class.. too tired to walk...
and yes.. plz do come to sydney and visit when u can!!! when got cheap flights (they usually have....), take leave and come!!!
thnx for ur prayer.. i'll eventually get better ... just taking longer than usual to adjust.. lolx!! will see u in may when i'm back.. u better be coming for my grad!!!
Celest... thnx for the words of encouragement and ermm.... where's my drink? no drink to Yam Seng also.... let's yam senggg to it during graduation! woot woot!!
hahaha!! thnx karen/... it can only get better... and not worst.. hope things are going better for u over there as well.. i'll see u in may, my ex-roomie!!!
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