Dear Diary.. I feel empty

Dear Diary, 

So I stepped out of the apartment this morning to get ready for a run. The weather was bright and sunny, not too hot, not too cold, just perfect. I did my stretches just so that I can run a little bit more as I had a very uncomfortable run last week and only lasted for 15 minutes. 

I was enjoying the view by the wharf overlooking the Anzac Bridge. My life now consists of a 8.30-4.30, Mon-Fri full-time job. Despite the 1.5 hour commute each way, at least there's no overtime, no weekends. I enjoy my weekends. Sleeping in, lazing around, doing nothing. And now, I have decided to run on weekends to add a little something to my weekends. Need to start getting healthy and hence I need to force myself out of the place. 

And then .. I felt a little down. I felt empty. Is this how I want to live my life? Forcing myself to actually do some physical activity instead of having fun doing it. I still miss Auckland. Because in Auckland, there's no forcing in that. No matter how tired I am, no matter how much assignments I had, I'd wake up on weekends for sports. Because I enjoy it, because I look forward to the friends, to the hanging out, to the eating. I envy those back there. Always have something planned for the weekend. I still miss the company, the friends. There's still no way I can find the same group of friends I had back there. I can't get them here. 

This is quite bad but.... I am still looking back. Still looking back at the best times I had during my 3 years as an undergrad. I can't seem to let go. I can't look forward. I tried. There's still nothing to look forward to. There's no plan really. I never had one. When I came back to Sydney after my holiday, all I had in mind was.. get a job. Get a job. Think about other things later. And now, I got a job. So... what's next? No idea. Easter is coming up. Any plans? Nope. If I were in Auckland, I'd be planning something to do on this long weekend. But over here, I've got nothing to do......

And then... I started my run.

Have I came up with a solution to my emptiness yet? Nope. I am just going with the flow. When a plan comes up, I will plan it. But for now, I am still lost. So in the mean time, I shall just enjoy earning the money, living life day by day, and enjoying the ME-time I have EVERY weekend. 

And so, Auckland, today, tonight, I miss you. And to Sydney, tonight, I don't think I have liked you an extra bit yet.